Featured on Live Original: Becoming a Blended Family
It’s been long said that expectation is the enemy of joy. That should be the mantra of your blended family, especially in the critical first year or two. Paint it on your walls, write it on a sticky note on your desk, needlepoint it on a throw pillow…do whatever you need to do to keep this saying in front of you. It’s crazy how much stress and anxiety you can save yourself as you blend your family if you simply remember those six little words: expectation is the enemy of joy. Or as Scott likes to say, “death by expectation.”
Many couples enter a new marriage with unrealistic expectations about how quickly and easily their children will adjust to all the changes. New home, new parent, new siblings. Maybe a new town, new school, new friends, new pet. New dynamic in the home. New person or people with whom you have to “share” your mom or dad. New concerns about what your other biological parent feels about you having a new stepparent. It’s a lot, especially for a child, and their transition will almost always be anything but quick.
That’s okay, your marriage isn’t a flash in the pan; you’re in this for the long haul, and that means your children are as well. You’ve got plenty of time to make this work. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. Or, as Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Your blended family relationship isn’t a sprint; you’re running a marathon; you’re doing it as a team. The first step is to lay down any expectations you might have about what those relationships are going to look like and how quickly it’s going to happen. Forcing it or running at a faster pace than desired will leave you feeling defeated, exhausted, and depleted. The best you can do is ensure you’re creating a safe, secure atmosphere in which healthy parent and sibling relationships can flourish… and then wait. Relationships happen organically. Trying to force things to happen too prematurely can change the character of the relationship and the blessings the Lord wants to do in it.
Of course, that doesn’t mean there aren’t some things you can do to create the best possible conditions for new relationships to develop. Let’s look at a few things that helped the families we interviewed throughout the project.
Read more on Live Original: https://liveoriginal.com/becoming-a-family/
Scott and Vanessa Martindale
Founders of Blended Kingdom Families