Maximizing Summer Fun: 5 Essential Strategies for Blended Families

Most of us look forward to summertime with anticipation and excitement. The kids are out of school which means no more early mornings, homework, and car drop-off and pick-up lines. We get to spend more time with our children, bonus children, and blended family as we enjoy the summer weather, vacations, snow cones, and swimming in the pool.

Yes, the summer season offers more opportunities for connection, but it can also be a real challenge in blended families. With the revolving door of vacations, visitations, sleepovers, camps, and sports, the summer can quickly become chaotic and frustrating. We understand because we’ve been there, and you might have as well. But take heart, friends! It doesn’t have to be this way, and we can take some steps that could help us along the way.

With perspective, planning, communication, and flexibility, your kids and bonus kids can soak in the summer fun—and so can you. Here are our suggestions for making the most of summer fun with your blended family.

Release Unrealistic Expectations

We all want to enjoy time with our kids and bonus kids on summer break. With the anticipation of all the fun things we hope to do with our children, there can be unexpected setbacks and unmet expectations. Kids and bonus get sick. They won’t love doing chores. Teenagers may balk at any expectation of reading or babysitting their younger siblings and stepsiblings. The same, normal sibling squabbling doesn’t go away magically when the calendar moves from May to June.

We encourage you to let go of preconceived ideas of how the summer will play out—because none of us knows (except God) how it will unfold. Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’ve created expectations. We may create scenarios in our heads based on previous summers or what we think it should look like. You may have grown up in a home with a lot of summer activities and house rules: clean the house, go to day camp, stay a week with grandparents, play a summer sport, read a certain number of books, get a part-time job, babysit your siblings, etc. Or your parents could have placed zero expectations on you except for two rules: 1) Do not burn down the house, and 2) Do not cause bodily harm to your siblings (a rule largely open to interpretation). You and your spouse bring those experiences (good or bad) into adulthood, and they may become expectations for your kids and bonus kids. When summer comes along, you get frustrated at their behavior.

To prevent unrealistic expectations from causing disappointment, take the time to have an open discussion with your spouse about your summer memories and the activities you’d like to introduce to your blended family. Some plans may need to be adjusted to accommodate visitation schedules, summer school, extracurricular commitments, or other obligations. Additionally, your children and stepchildren may have their own ideas about how they want to spend their summer, which may differ from your childhood interests. Embrace their unique perspectives and be willing to compromise on activities (within reason, of course). Above all, remember that holding too tightly to expectations can rob you of the joy and spontaneity that summer in a blended family can bring. Remember, expectation is the thief of joy.

Recognize Your Kids’ and Bonus Kids’ Feelings

Just because children go on summer break doesn’t mean they take time off from their emotions. Quite the opposite. Children whose parents get divorced contend with feelings they may or may not be able to articulate well. They may be excited to spend an extended amount of time with their non-custodial parent while simultaneously feeling sad because they are leaving their custodial parent. They may not want to go to the other home because it means missing out on time with their friends. Because of technology, they can see pictures of their friends’ parties, outings, sleepovers, and the like, which can elicit anger, frustration, sadness, resentment, etc. Your children and bonus children may miss each other. And in unhealthy situations, they may not feel completely comfortable or secure with the other parent.

Take time to discuss with your children how they are feeling about spending the summer with the other parent. It could be as simple as asking, “How are you feeling about staying at your mom’s (or dad’s) house?” In doing so, you open the door for them to express themselves. You may not be able to change the situation, but you can help them work through their emotions. You might talk with your co-parent about an event or outing that your child really wants to be a part of. There could be a workable solution that allows your child to take part in the activity without taking much time away from their visit.

Communicate With the Co-Parent

If possible, initiate a conversation with your ex-spouse about your child’s summer schedule. Hopefully, you have already communicated any vacation plans, but if not, do so as soon as you can. Discuss potential conflicts and make a calendar you can agree on.

Also, talk with your co-parent about a basic routine and basic rules that can work across households. This might include bedtime, reading time, daily chores (like making their room tidy), screen time, reading time, and curfews. You can tweak the routine to suit your family’s needs but try to stay in the same ballpark if possible. This creates consistency and stability children need so they can flourish because they know what to expect.

If you are dealing with a high-conflict ex-spouse, you may not be able to establish the same ground rules for both houses, but you can create rules for your children and bonus children in your home. In either case, remember that your bonus kids need time and space to decompress and reorient themselves when they return from visitation.

One other area of discussion is expenses for activities. Summer can be fun, but it can also be extremely expensive, especially if you have more than one child. Talking with your ex-spouse can help ease the financial burden. Decide which (and how many) church camps, sports leagues, and day camps you can afford together. If you and your co-parent cannot afford every camp or activity your child wants to do, you can allow the child to decide which one(s) they want to attend most.

Your co-parent may not be able to afford any extras outside the custody plan. If they are on a tight budget, you may want to contribute more than half of the summer expenses. Or you could pay for it and allow the co-parent to contribute elsewhere. For example, you can offer to pay for church camp but agree that your co-parent pays for a new swimsuit and provides spending money. Or you may foot the bill for a day camp on robotics and agree that your ex-spouse buys the necessary supplies. This arrangement may not be spelled out in your legal paperwork, but going the extra mile can build a more amicable co-parenting scenario. This open-hand approach also reflects the heart of God as a Father who gives generously.

Create Summer Rules

Once you, your spouse, and your co-parent have agreed on some basic summer rules, you and your spouse need to sit down with the kids and bonus kids to talk about what you and your co-parent have agreed on. This demonstrates a united front and prevents misunderstanding. You may also want to create supplemental rules as a blended family. Have a family meeting during which children and bonus children can give their input. Doing this helps kids understand and buy into the rules. They are also more likely to think the rules are fair and stick to them. Here are some examples of daily summer rules:

Brush your teeth and hair.
Get dressed in clean clothes.
Read for 20 minutes.
Complete one chore.
Make your bed.
Do something nice for a family member.
Do something creative (color, draw, journal, practice music, etc.)
Play outside (weather permitting)

Try to shape the rules so they sound positive. For example, “Tidy up your room” sounds much better than “Don’t make a mess.” You can divide up the daily activities between morning and afternoon tasks. You might also give them suggestions for activities, such as making an obstacle course or doing a treasure hunt outside.

Create a Summer Fun Bucket List

Kids (and adults) bond over time and shared experiences—especially fun ones! As a family, create a bucket list of activities you want to do together. A bucket list is quite different for kids than adults. Kids get excited about simple out-of-the-norm activities. Here are a few to get you started.

Nighttime swim
Breakfast for supper
Backyard camping
Family bike rides
Movie binge day
Do a craft together
Water balloon fight
Kids and bonus kids plan a meal
Picnic lunch or dinner
Go to a water park
Go to an amusement park

You can repeat some items, such as family bike rides and allowing the children and bonus children to plan a meal. You could also look online for ideas and build a list of items you do only once in the summer. The only limitation is time on the calendar!

Summer can be a challenging time for blended families, but it can also be a whole lot of fun. By releasing unrealistic expectations, communicating with co-parents, children, and stepchildren, and creating basic rules, you nurture a positive environment and set the stage for great interactions. Approach the season with flexibility, empathy, and a spirit of cooperation. And remember, every good and perfect gift—including summertime—comes from God (James 1:17). Soak in every experience in this adventurous summer season!