4 Tips for a Stress-Free Holiday Season as a Blended Family

The holiday season sparks joy and excitement for many families. But for blended families, the season can feel anything but picture-perfect. Between complicated schedules, balancing traditions, and tensions between biological parents, the holidays can present unique challenges.

Having navigated blended family life for over ten years, we (Scott and Vanessa) have experienced firsthand the ups and downs of this season. Over time, we have learned strategies to transform awkward holiday gatherings into joyful quality time.

You can look forward to the Christmas holidays by focusing on preparation, communication, and grace. With thoughtful intentionality, you can set your blended family up for connection instead of stress.

Tip #1: Get On the Same Page

The holiday season means jam-packed calendars and changes to regular routines. Before the hustle ramps up, gather your children and bonus children for a family meeting. Open up the conversation about how holiday traditions might look different this year than the previous year.

To help kids and bonus kids feel less stressed, give them space to share their expectations or concerns like:

Who they will celebrate with on actual holiday days
If they will split time between households
Family traditions they want to be a part of

Also, during the family meeting, explain the logistics you and your co-parent have already discussed or still need to figure out. After the meeting, circle back with your co-parent to confirm plans.

Having the entire family on the same page prevents disappointment because kids know what to expect. Discussing the holidays also empowers children and bonus children by giving them a voice. Taking their preferences into account where possible gives kids a sense of stability when so much has changed in their lives.

Tip #2: Over-Communicate Holiday Plans

Miscommunication between co-parents often rears its ugly head during the hectic holiday stretch between late November and New Year’s Day. The more people involved in scheduling decisions, the greater the chance for confusion–which emphasizes the need to over-communicate.

Instead of playing tag with texts or emails that can get missed or misinterpreted, sit down for a face-to-face conversation with your ex-spouse (if possible) to talk about holiday expectations. Key talking points include (even if you discussed them earlier in the year):

Dates and times for how you will split time for Christmas break
Any plans to celebrate holidays together or apart
Logistics for transporting kids between households
Accommodating extended family visiting from out of town
Whether or not you both attend holiday school plays, recitals, etc.

Rather than focus on what is “fair” for each biological parent, focus on the child’s best interest and emotional stability. The Christmas season is supposed to be fun!

Getting on the same page with your ex-spouse avoids misunderstandings. With so many moving parts, over-communication ensures everyone stays informed, and the holiday can be less stressful.

Tip #3: Lead with Grace in All Your Relationships

Even in healthy co-parenting situations, tensions can run high during the holidays. Emotions and exhaustion amplify any existing conflicts or sensitivities. Disagreements about schedules, traditions, finances, or extended family may pop up, so try to lead those conversations with grace. Grant others–including your spouse, ex-spouse, kids and bonus kids, and grandparents–plenty of grace when they make mistakes.

The holidays can open up an opportunity for fostering a better relationship with your co-parent. People often feel more sentimental and open-hearted this time of year, so your ex-spouse may be more willing to work together to create a better relationship. If possible, extend an olive branch and suggest putting aside differences to work better together. You may find receptive ears and mended fences.

Tip #4: Merge Old Traditions & Create New Ones

Blending families means fusing two lists of family traditions into one. Each holiday season is an opportunity to merge existing traditions and create new ones.

Talk with your kids and bonus kids about holiday traditions they want to continue in your blended family. Also, discuss any new activities they would like to start doing, such as:

Favorite holiday treats to bake
Meaningful decorations to display, such as a family heirloom or handmade items
Fun outings like picking out a tree, driving to see light displays, eating out on Christmas Eve, or attending a Christmas Eve service together.
Reading Scriptures related to the birth of Jesus
Traditional holiday recipes from different families
Hot cocoa and class holiday movies
Volunteering at a non-profit organization as a family
How or when to open presents together

Open communication, patience, and compromise can pave the way for blended families to enjoy the holiday season. When stressful situations pop up, remind yourself of what’s important–your relationship with God, your marriage, and your children and bonus children.

The Bottom Line

During the holidays, being in a blended family life can come with highs and lows. But with thoughtful planning, clear communication, openness, and a lot of grace, your blended family holiday season might become the most wonderful time of the year.